This is going to be extra small because I really hope it could be non-existence. That is as denial as I would like to be unfortunately it exist so let me face the truth in a tiny way (yes i do recall memories once in awhile no matter how much I don't want to or not suppose to.)
It's been too long I can't remember when things happen, but I remember it's a Christmas day when I'm very eager to just celebrate the magical moments together in each other's arm.
It did not happen, I was left alone just waiting. That was when I decided not to wait anymore.
I have loved you but I knew I had to let you go. There will not be any happy union if we head different directions. It just brings us further -apart-
Sometimes I would wonder do you really mean those hurting words you said to me which made me so resentful.
I chose not to doubt for me to keep hating you so that I could kept staying away from you.
Back then I didn't know that I'm that strong to look into your eyes, say goodbye and drove away from you.
My tears did not hold back but at least I manage to walk out of your door.
I resent all the things you did to me but I choose to let go and remember just the sweet memories.
In a way you helped me grow and toughen up. I should be grateful. You made me who I am.
It's your birthday today, I spend some hours reminisce all the things we use to do.
All the laughter we use to share and all the gifts I gave you shyly from my heart. Our smiling face which shows happy we are.
Every time my thoughts strays, I stop. This would be all I want to remember.
If you asked me if could be friends again? I would say no because I do not think that I can do it. I can only love or hate you.
Weird but that's how far it has brought me. I don't think I could have even your shadow back in my life.
Some will tell me, "f*ck it, he's a shithead anyway, who needs him in any body's life?"
I use to have that thought as well (sorry) but I don't think that's any point being so resentful anyway.
We only have one life. Guess that I need to spend this life giving you the privilege to be that peculiar person whom I've love, hate and never want to see ever again. But again I would secretly want to let you know you mean alot to me at one point of my life and do wish that you found your happiness too.
-Happy Birthday-
