In search of silver linings

Grandma got admitted to hospital.

After one week she thought everything is normal, we don't want to take things easy anymore.

Took her for check up and scan and then confirmed that she's got a tumor in her colon which stops her from clearing her bowel like normal people do.

After CT scan, diagnosed scans and all sorts of checking, finally we got a clear explanation from Dr. Qureshi.

Dad ask: "So is it cancer?"

Doctor said: " Well, it looks like a duck and talks like a duck...so...(everybody looks at every body's face) Anyway, we'll still need to wait for the biopsy after the surgery to further define what the growth is. Chances are, IF it is, she will need to go through chemotherapy in the future after the tumor removal to kill the remaining cells ( which is the saddening and heartbreaking part ) IF it's not, then we're will just be waiting for her to recover from the surgery."

Uncle Mensh asked: "What's the percentage that it is?"

Doctor said: " Almost certainly"

My heart dropped trying to hold myself together and remain calm. But before anything is confirmed everyone of us put a light of hope in our hearts.

I've not left my grandma once the moment I was born. She knows me inside out better than anyone else. I possibly know her if not more, equally same like her own child knows her. I could not bare seeing her sad, the more I could not bare seeing her suffer. She's definitely the greatest mum and the loveliest grandmother.

She just got the tumor removed on 18/01/2011 and after being monitored in HDU, doctor said she recover better than expected (big relieved) so she has been transferred to normal ward as of yesterday, 19/01/2011 late evening.

The joint will be monitored if it has healed completely with no leakage, Dr. Qureshi said there's a 4% leakage. Everybody is praying hard and keeping our fingers crossed that that won't happen.

If it does leak, she'll need to carry an external bag for 2-3 months until the leakage heals completely. That will be devastating.

I'm skipped work second of the half of the day last few days and took family leave yesterday. Thanks to my kind manager who feels me and actually "shoo" me away from work.

Got back to work today even though it's public holiday. Well, I got pay more and many other people will be on leave to visit grandma so i decided to come back to work. Hopefully everything is good back at home and hospital.

Dad can't be 100% independent yet hopefully he remains positive to keep improving on his movements. Hope grandma can be patient because she is still on NaCl drip and could not take food yet.

I have a feeling that things are turning better and bad things are going to be over soon but before the end comes I'll still be wary with situations and changes. My colleague noted me that one day I will be proud that I've been strong to go through hurdles like this and I totally agree with her.

It's 30 minutes to off work and my mind is just waiting to go hospital to see my grandma smile and chat like nothing has happen.

I know everyone of us or the person that we love will leave us one day but thinking of that kills me. I do not think I could ever take that lost. Most probably I will go berserk? depressed? or maybe just stoned for months or lost for years.

-awaiting for the gloomy clouds to fade away-

Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!

Chorus
I see you driving 'round town
With the girl I love and I'm like,
Forget you!
Oo, oo, oooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn't enough, I'm like,
Forget you!
And forget her too!
Said, if I was richer,
I'd still be with ya
ha , aint that some shit?
And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a...
Forget you!
Oo, oo, oooo

Yeah I'm sorry, I can't afford a ferrari,
But that don't mean I can't get you there.
I guess he's an xbox and I'm more atari,
But the way you play your game ain't fair.
I pity the fooool that falls in love with you oh
(oh shit she's a gold digger)
Well (just thought you should know nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend

Repeat chorus

Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
'Cause being in love with you ain't cheap.

now, I pity the fool that falls in love with you ohh
(oh shh she's a gold digger)
Well (just thought you should know nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for youuh!
I really hate your friend right now!

Repeat Chorus

Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?
(so bad, so bad, so bad)
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me"this is one for your dad"(your dad, your dad, your dad)
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Whhhy lady? Oh! I love you
I still Love you!! Ohhhh...

Repeat chorus

By Cee-Lo Green From the album The Lady Killer (2010)

- I is like this song=) -

Nuevo Entorno

Just simply means "new environment"...

I've just moved into my new workstation today at the 7th floor previously from 14th floor.
I kinda love this new place, one of my favourite colour green and white^^..overall looks much brighter and spacious compare to my previous floor.
I get to choose to sit nearer to the sunshine of course..now onwards I can not only see the sunshine but to feel the fuzzy warm from the sun rays it definitely the best thing to have.
Of course it takes some time to get to use to walking area around as which direction to head when I need to get my printouts, fill my water bottle, visit my fellow colleagues around the floor and heading to the loo..ehhe
No doubt I lurve "nuevo entorno" as always..haha! ( the Spanish influence from the movie: The Tourist- more review below)

Today is no blue Monday for me and its brighter than usual. I got a small gift for my sweet colleague as an "open workstation day", an apple shape manual calender and also a cute yellow polka dot umbrella from Azlin..thank you people~...

Got the chance to go for a movie yesterday with family and it was mum's suggestion to watch "The Tourist". I thought I wouldn't like the movie knowing that all Angelina Jolie's movies are almost the same- hot bod, hot moves, gun flipping and stunts BUT I guess I forget Johny Depp is involve this time!
I come to like the show, it's a little funny and romantic. Most scenes with AJ & JD together is accompanied with romantic background music plus its shot in Venice, breeze rushing through her hair, smoky eyes, romatico stares, chandeliers in the scene settings..the Venice feel is totally taking over and it works! I was smiling throughout the movie because its like a romantic comedy..heartwarming for a little movie leisure on a weekend=)

Sky's getting real dark outside on a Monday after work and I shall post up more the next time this new workstation gives me more inspiration..hasta entonces

When It Clicks

Holding a can of cold shandy under a hot weather with nothing else in mind sat in front of my TV set under the fan wearing my sleeveless and minipants..

Channel V shows Jason Mraz's I'm Yours stirs up the memory of young people who can just don't care the world, no worries and just fall in summer love..

Later in the evening I saw your email with the exact same song lyrics in my inbox...

-coincidence -

A Little Time to Ponder..

Basically, I have left 3 more days to work for the rest of this year.
I took leave for the remaining days to bring dad go physiotherapy.
Very happy that dad is improving day by day with his movement especially when we look back 3 months ago after he had a spinal shock he was practically tetraplegic.
3 months ago I was shocked, occupied, exhausted, broken down once but still holding on strong.
Maybe now I'm in a state of after shocked, blanked, slightly lost and miserable.
When things happened I practically put a hold on all that I was doing, planning and dreaming to settle what needs to be done. Now that things is starting get better I forget where I stopped so I might be in the middle of nowhere this moment

Just 3 months, the exact time frame I have when I joined National Service 6-7 years ago. That 3 months is unforgettable and in fact is a memory that I can recall to give me motivation and hope when some of my days are not so smooth.

I realise what we learn and experienced can never be forgotten and what we feel will always remain in our hearts.

First half of the year I spend time trying to learn as much as i could from everything that I encounter. Now I recall, I remember glimpse of memory from my Uni's Sports Camp at Gold Coast Sepang, I remember last year's Christmas with Ying Shin and Chin chin's present and dinner gathering, I remember the gift exchange and chats I have with Abby and Ee Vonne and of course many other events which makes 2010 much more merry, meaningful, warm and lovely.

I wish this Christmas will be as warm and lovely as it always is and new year to bring much more happiness and joy, good tidings and wisdom.

I Can't Wait

It's 4 minutes to off work and i can't wait to throw that headset off and just do whatever I want. The time is ticking, I'm rushing my work so that I can go on leave peacefully tomorrow but the PC is running freaking slow! This is the kind of frustrations which could really drive me mad!!

I mean reaaally !!@!#$%^&*

I just want to get things done and I can't. How crapping fantastic....

4 minutes! Yea, I can write a blog already and still see my system crawling in front of my face saying " uh...wait.....uh....a little more......" ...I throw my headset already

Cool!..it's off work time..and I'm still waiting for this crawly....

-trulymadlydeeplygoingnuts-

It's Monday again

On Sunday night my brother said on our Saturday: " We just went out bought some eggs, matches and gas..my weekend is over. I can't even feel Sunday."

Most Fridays, no matter how tired we are whether it is from work or school at the end of it most people will say : "Come on! It's Friday night man, you're just gonna stay at home and sleep early?"
As much as we have rushed day in and out from commitments and responsibilities, making sure that is done, this is on time, the rest are all ready.. we just need a break and enjoy especially on a Friday night.
It just means, no waking early to beat the jam, no meetings to attend to, no complains to attend to and no making up pleasant mood when we're feeling all tied up inside.

Having breakfast with siblings is one of best things I love having on Saturday morning. We live in the same house but our time to able to sit down together is very minimal.
Sometimes, we'll try to have breakfast, catch up with stuffs and have laughs which makes our stomach cramp.

From Monday to Friday everything is pretty much THE SAME.

Like Abby said :"Lam....Pui Yan~....it's freaking bored!!!"

At 5.30am drag myself off bed, crawl into the shower, hang the comb on my hair, stare into the closet, warm up the car engine, stoned to work, zombified into the computer screen and get excited with the first inbound call...-woke up finally-.

By lunch time, my stomach would be having an orchestra rehearsing non-stop for a Weekly Orchestra Championship Award. Since my lunch schedule change to 12, I practically go munch whatever. Before this, Azlin and me would have problem where to go, we would talk non-stop, no idea what is there so much to talk about anyway, we won't know where we're suppose to head. Strangely I have no problem where to eat anymore...

There after, the pace will minimize by half compare to what happened in the morning. Inbound calls started to slow down, focusing more into analysing documents..slowly my head will become heavier that it needs my hand to raise it up again.

The next second, you know you're going off work and I ask myself, what just happened again? Breath~..

- interestingly uninteresting -